Death is inevitable, the looming reality, that the journey on Earth is temporary. Although we observe the life cycles of all living things, we are devastated by loss and fear our own mortality.
Grief is an emotion that cannot be avoided. The pain is excruciating when loved ones, including pets, transition to the other side. A piece of us dies with them. Functioning like robots, we tend to daily tasks, but our hearts are non-participants.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed a theory that we go through five distinct stages of grief after the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. I experienced all of these, but some during the five years that my husband fought leukemia. Denial came when he was diagnosed and relapsed from a bone marrow transplant. Bargaining was in the form of prayer during his treatment. Because he was suffering without hope of recovery, I felt acceptance and relief at his transition. Two years later, when time had dulled the illness and treatment nightmares, I was angry because he had left me to navigate life’s challenges alone. The last item is depression. Over the last seven years, I monitored my mood. Was I clinically depressed? No, but I felt a dark cloud overshadowing everything. Nothing felt the same. It was as if a nerve had been snipped from my body. I felt and enjoyed with all my senses, but the intensity was missing.
There is no time limit on grief, but we can take charge to avoid being devoured. Our loved ones are in a place of unconditional love and light. We remain here because there is more learning, growing and loving to do. Regardless of your beliefs concerning perpetual life, while here, you must survive. Reality bites when the loved one’s death puts you into financial hardship. You may have a family to feed, mortgage and other debts. Nobody is going to rush in on a white charger to save you. After the initial shock, there is no time for pity parties or for sitting in the corner to suck your thumb. Moving forward is the only way to survive. The progress may be slow. You may feel like you are slogging knee deep in molasses, with tears gushing from your eyes. The path may seem dark as pitch. Keep going, if only by baby steps.
With time, the journey becomes easier. Set realistic expectations. Become friends with grief. Know that dates, songs, pictures and places may trigger waves of sorrow. Feel and deal with the emotion when it arises. Have a good cry. When the intensity recedes, continue your healing journey.
Love and pamper yourself. Work on mind, body and spirit health. Stay open for signs from your loved ones. I experienced electronic irregularities, coins, feathers, scents, songs on the radio, random memories, a chill, tummy blips, butterflies, dragonflies, birds and ringing bells. Repeating numbers may be messages from the angels. Multiple fours appear to me several times a day. They are on the clock, computer, license plates, receipts and car odometer. Other repeating numbers include my birthday and 1111. Your loved ones reach across the veil to give you comfort and support. Be open to their love. Their vibration is higher than ours. Raise yours to meet them. Deep in sorrow, you will miss the messages.
Grief hurts and is merciless. Struggle through the void. Find joy and be grateful. Beauty surrounds. Open your heart to receive the love.
Life is a series of snapshots that reside in the heart. Our minds may only recall the happiest or most painful events, but each frame is captured for future review. We choose the pictorial.
Six tips for happiness:
- Words and thoughts shape the experience. What we think, we become. Be positive. Trust in your power.
- Pain, hurt and loss happen. We control how we respond. Choose love, forgiveness and compassion for healing. Give yourself time.
- Enjoy the simple things every day. Notice the beauty and magic in the world.
- Take care your soul’s temporary home with diet, exercise, sleep and hydration. With a depleted body, small irritations become insurmountable challenges. Treat yourself.
- Trust intuition. Turn off the internal and external noise. Listen to inner guidance, instead of seeking outside validation.
The album is yours to create with love and light.
Do you feel bombarded from every direction? You are not alone. Technology tethered us to phones, television, social media, internet, podcasts, radios, books and newspapers. Depression runs rampant as negative news assaults our self-worth and hope for the future. Like moths to a flame, we are drawn to that which is destroying us.
In simpler times, Madison Avenue influenced our buying, but we could depend on the major television and radio networks for truth. Today, there are many rogue news outlets that pedal propaganda. Lies and half-truths seep into our beliefs. Like sponges, we adopt fantasy as reality, because we hear it or see it in print.
We must become aware of manipulation, shield from overstimulation and listen for our own truth with loving, kind and open hearts. Rise from division to unity. Humanity is counting on us.