Blog Archives

Looking for Love for All the Wrong Reasons

Are you looking for that special someone to make you happy? Are you looking for security, comfort or intimacy? Do you fear being alone, the one in the corner, not picked?

Love is a complicated emotion. Many seek to fill a hole. Whatever the need, the burden is placed on Mr. or Ms. Right for fulfillment.  

The first place to look is within. Do you love yourself, regardless of your perceived flaws? Do you accept who you are? Is your heart open to give and receive love?

Happiness flows from living in the moment with gratitude.  External people or things can only provide temporary elation. Like icing on the cake, they enhance what is already inside. 

Priorities

Brown Wooden Wheel on Top of Green Grass

What are your priorities? Make a list. Do the ego driven rungs on your ladder to success rank above better relationships, your loved ones, community service, exercise and well-being? If so, you may want to rethink it. What will be important when you face death? Will you ask to see your bank account or the special people in your life?

Goals keep you growing and moving forward, but happiness requires balance. Life is like a wheel.  Every spoke represents an area of your life. When too much energy is spent on one section, the wheel is no longer round and cannot turn.

Be aware! Time is an asset. Spend it wisely.

Road to Happiness

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” ― Confucius.

If happiness came in a pill or a bottle, life would be easy. If there were a perfect place to live, we would all be there. Happiness is a choice. Each has a super-power to create life experiences, but many prefer to blame others and play the victim role.

Life dumps challenges, some horrific, at our feet that are out of our control, but we own the responses. Choices are to curl up in a fetal position or face reality, assess options and problem solve to survive.  Get ready to steer your ship. Break the chains of limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and look at the sky’s vastness. The possibilities are limitless.

The first step to growth, change and abundance in all areas of your life is to be grateful. How often do you hear the expression of gratitude outside of a place of worship? It is more likely to hear whining about the weather, spouse, children, boss, work, money, health and services. There is always something for which to be grateful, regardless of the situation. 

Most people plod through life, numb to their surroundings. Like gerbils on a wheel, one runs and runs and runs, on automatic pilot. Get up, go to work, go to bed, repeat, until one day, the house of cards crumbles. Miserable and unfulfilled, the finger points to everyone and everything, except yourself.

Instead of being grateful, it is human nature to feel inadequate and say, “If only,

  • I had money
  • I had talent
  • I were thin
  • I had hair
  • I were good looking
  • I had a better job
  • My skin were flawless
  • I drove a Ferrari
  • My teeth were straight
  • I had bigger boobs

Know that you are a spirit having a human experience to grow and learn. Your soul is perfect, created in the image and likeness of God, the Source. Your greatest misgivings are perpetrated by the ego. Many have been programmed by parents, ancestors and former lives.

Trying to protect me from the hurt of disappointment, my mother would drown my dreams by saying, “Get off your high horse. Who do you think you are?” When I told her I was engaged, she said, “You’ll end up barefoot and pregnant and amount to nothing.” These words sound hurtful, but in her own way, she was trying to protect me. I understand her motive now, but the comments made me insecure for most of my life.

Gratitude requires awareness. For example, a musician hears each instrument and the technical components in a composition. To my tin ear, it is a melody with a beat. One of my friends can identify birds by their songs, although she can no longer see them in detail. Focus aids appreciation.

My mother spouted a saying, “A man complains that he has no shoes until he sees a man with no feet.” Things could always be worse. Be appreciative for what you have and you will not feel victimized.

Commandment # 10, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods.”  Instead of looking at this from the sin viewpoint, examine the impacts to you. To covet is to envy. Trying to keep up with the Joneses will cause the ego to shout that you to prove your self-worth with a new car, house, boat, grill, furniture, Rollex watch, etc. Excited at first when you acquire the coveted item, soon you yearn for more. Significant debt may suck you further into a hole of despair. For those who can afford the luxuries in life, enjoy, but realize that things are not satisfiers. They cannot replace inner peace and happiness. Work on you and the happiness that you deserve. The extras that money can buy, will be the icing on the cake, as you draw abundance to your new, positive energy. Too many humans think money would solve their problems. That is putting the cart before the horse. Instead, get to know yourself. Find the inner guidance and purpose. Be grateful for today. When abundance flows, play, be appreciative and share. Bill and Melinda Gates have a luxurious lifestyle and also created a foundation to make the world a better place.

You can make a difference, regardless of how much you earn or have in the bank. Many years ago, I learned a lesson from a nervous eighteen-year-old, flying from Houston, Texas to join the Army. His rural high school’s fundraiser was a squirrel hunt. Raised by his Granny, he said, “It don’t cost nothin’ to be nice.” The young man taught me a lesson, that I have never forgotten.

It does not cost anything to smile, hold open a door, shovel a neighbor’s walk or volunteer at your favorite charity. Each of us has something to give. Share your talents and positive energy with others.

A year ago, I slipped on a wet, tile floor, fell on my side and broke my elbow. I was thankful that my sore hip was not broken, which would have been more debilitating. Find a way to be grateful in imperfect situations.

Exercise- Take a walk. Pretend that you are a witness to a crime, who must testify in court. What do you see, hear, smell? Touch a shrub or two. Is the foliage soft, hard, smooth, prickly? What colors do you see? Look at the sky. Is it blue with puffy clouds or grey? Are the clouds moving quickly?  When you return home, jot down what you remember. Do this every day for at least five minutes. A walk during your lunch break is good for mind, body and spirit. If the weather is uncooperative, perform the exercise indoors. Caution for those working at home, dust bunnies may appear.

Compile a gratitude list. Start with five items the first day. Try to add five new ones each day. You may be surprised at how blessed you are. It is human nature to focus on the one slighting, mechanical failure or mistake that happened than the kindness, praise, smiles or good fortune received. Has it been your experience that when you obsessed about something negative, more went wrong to ruin your day and evening? When in crisis, it is challenging to have positive thoughts, but worth the effort. Do not wait for the magic genie to pop out of a bottle. Take responsibility for yourself and your happiness.

Heart Snapshots: Six Tips for Happiness

Life is a series of snapshots that reside in the heart. Our minds may only recall the happiest or most painful events, but each frame is captured for future review. We choose the pictorial.

Six tips for happiness:

  1. Words and thoughts shape the experience. What we think, we become. Be positive. Trust in your power.
  2. Pain, hurt and loss happen. We control how we respond. Choose love, forgiveness and compassion for healing. Give yourself time.
  3. Enjoy the simple things every day. Notice the beauty and magic in the world.
  4. Take care your soul’s temporary home with diet, exercise, sleep and hydration. With a depleted body, small irritations become insurmountable challenges. Treat yourself.
  5. Trust intuition. Turn off the internal and external noise. Listen to inner guidance, instead of seeking outside validation.
  6. Gratitude

The album is yours to create with love and light.

Surviving Loss

Stand tall to do it all

Accepting help with grace

The sense of loss will fade

The healing’s not a race

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Reach out to those in need

Give all that you can spare

Your heart will fill with love

While showing that you care

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Be good to you!  Sing!  Dance!

In time the joy returns

Your world will right itself

As everyone learns

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Enjoy each day with thanks

A gift is what it’s called

From up above it comes

Stand tall to do it all

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Positively Positive

This past week POSITIVE has been attacking me from all sides.  A friend sent me a book by Joel Zeff, Make The Right Choice, Creating a Positive, Innovative and Productive Work Life.  His premise is that we all need Positive Support.  He walks through several examples of how to give positive support in the workplace.  Chapter Five is my favorite.  He states that Fun, Passion and Happiness are choices.  The onus is on the individual.  Challenges and frustrations pop up. It is how we deal with them that makes a difference.

On Thursday, my sister invited me to a book signing.  Title of the book is Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your BusinessThere it is again!  Is this synchronicity or is the world going positively positive?   One of the authors, Margaret Greenberg, talked the talk and walked the walk.  She was vivacious and warm as she gave a short explanation of positive psychology and her career as a business coach.

My brain churned all that I had learned.  Was all this positive energy going to fry it?  I needed real life examples, not theories and empty promises.  Again, I asked and the universe provided.  The best teachers were standing in front of me, two boys, ages 12 and 10, who are my idols.  They swim competitively, having learned at a young age about hard work, discipline, winning and losing.  Swimming is an individual sport.  There is no passing the buck.  The will to dig deep resides within whether the ranking is twenty-sixth or first.

Last weekend I had the pleasure to witness the 4 day Eastern Zone 2013 Long Course Age Group Championship in Richmond, VA.  The pool area was packed with children from New England, Tri-state and Mid-Atlantic regions.  Each child endured hours of waiting to swim one or two events per day that would last 30 seconds to 4 minutes, depending on the event.  The positive energy from the children and the parents in the balcony was electrifying.

After the meet, I spent three days with my special heroes.  With all the intensity it takes to be a child athlete and student, there is always room for play.  Life is fun!  It is loaded with games, not just electronic and board games developed to entertain.   There are the ones that come to mind when trapped in a car for a long trip.  “I’m thinking of a number….” or “Twenty questions” or “Let’s see how many states we can see on license plates” or “Let’s go through the alphabet picking letters from signs along the highway” and my favorite, “Let’s look for Mustangs, convertibles, PT Cruisers, motorcycles, etc.”

As stated in the Nike logo, “Just do it”  and have fun at the same time.  Let the inner child out.  I am Positively Positive that is the path to happiness.