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OUCH!!!!!
The sting of rejection burns to the core. Job loss, unrequited love, college entrance denial, book rejection, bad reviews, negative feedback, betrayal or divorce can knock you on your butt. Smacked down, again and again, how does one center, have faith and move forward with confidence?
Any one of these could drive you into a fetal position, sucking your thumb. The hurt is real. Confidence is shaken. Everyone experiences loss and failure, which is painful, but it is the way we learn.
As Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Looking back on my life, I realized that when one door closed, more opportunities appeared. Stuck with blinders on, I never made a change until pushed by unseen forces. With the autopilot kicked off, I was forced to be creative.
Below are 10 ways to get out of the thumb-sucking, victim mode and back into your power:
- Look for support groups.
- Improve your skills for the job market
- If single and looking for companionship, join groups, i.e church groups, meet-ups, etc.
- Exercise
- Take care of yourself. Confidence comes with looking good and feeling good.
- Keep swinging. Do not let a few strikes knock you out of the game. One is bound to connect.
- Practice gratitude. Think about all your blessings, not the disappointments.
- Be honest with yourself. Pick out your best features and say them out loud. “I am loving, kind, make delicious pasta sauce, have straight teeth, great hair.” Whatever you like about yourself, spill it often.
- Think about things that put a smile on your face, i.e. puppies, flowers, birds, children, hiking, swimming, travel, ice cream.
- Be patient and kind to yourself. This is the hardest to apply. Things come when the time is right. Do not beat yourself up while waiting.
Remember that you are special, a unique creation. Be the best person you can. YOU!!!!!
Grief- The Knife to the Heart
Death is inevitable, the looming reality, that the journey on Earth is temporary. Although we observe the life cycles of all living things, we are devastated by loss and fear our own mortality.
Grief is an emotion that cannot be avoided. The pain is excruciating when loved ones, including pets, transition to the other side. A piece of us dies with them. Functioning like robots, we tend to daily tasks, but our hearts are non-participants.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed a theory that we go through five distinct stages of grief after the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. I experienced all of these, but some during the five years that my husband fought leukemia. Denial came when he was diagnosed and relapsed from a bone marrow transplant. Bargaining was in the form of prayer during his treatment. Because he was suffering without hope of recovery, I felt acceptance and relief at his transition. Two years later, when time had dulled the illness and treatment nightmares, I was angry because he had left me to navigate life’s challenges alone. The last item is depression. Over the last seven years, I monitored my mood. Was I clinically depressed? No, but I felt a dark cloud overshadowing everything. Nothing felt the same. It was as if a nerve had been snipped from my body. I felt and enjoyed with all my senses, but the intensity was missing.
There is no time limit on grief, but we can take charge to avoid being devoured. Our loved ones are in a place of unconditional love and light. We remain here because there is more learning, growing and loving to do. Regardless of your beliefs concerning perpetual life, while here, you must survive. Reality bites when the loved one’s death puts you into financial hardship. You may have a family to feed, mortgage and other debts. Nobody is going to rush in on a white charger to save you. After the initial shock, there is no time for pity parties or for sitting in the corner to suck your thumb. Moving forward is the only way to survive. The progress may be slow. You may feel like you are slogging knee deep in molasses, with tears gushing from your eyes. The path may seem dark as pitch. Keep going, if only by baby steps.
With time, the journey becomes easier. Set realistic expectations. Become friends with grief. Know that dates, songs, pictures and places may trigger waves of sorrow. Feel and deal with the emotion when it arises. Have a good cry. When the intensity recedes, continue your healing journey.
Love and pamper yourself. Work on mind, body and spirit health. Stay open for signs from your loved ones. I experienced electronic irregularities, coins, feathers, scents, songs on the radio, random memories, a chill, tummy blips, butterflies, dragonflies, birds and ringing bells. Repeating numbers may be messages from the angels. Multiple fours appear to me several times a day. They are on the clock, computer, license plates, receipts and car odometer. Other repeating numbers include my birthday and 1111. Your loved ones reach across the veil to give you comfort and support. Be open to their love. Their vibration is higher than ours. Raise yours to meet them. Deep in sorrow, you will miss the messages.
Grief hurts and is merciless. Struggle through the void. Find joy and be grateful. Beauty surrounds. Open your heart to receive the love.
Crossing Bridges
Gentle spirits hover close
Giving guidance
Feathers, pennies, butterflies
Signs from loved ones
Comprehending, understand
Catch the meaning?
Foggy, fuzzy, message be
Earthly limits
Gifted wonder, medium
Communicates
Souls who crossed behind the veil
Sharing wisdom
Love eternal, never dies
Crossing bridges
Living life with clarity
Thank you, helpers
SUPERMAN
If I were Superman, I’d fly around the world backwards
To turn the time upside down
I’d go back to when my boys were small enough
To hold upon my lap
When we were all a family, my husband, boys and grands.
Go back, I say, to simpler times.
I’d lay beside the man I chose for better or for worse
To feel his heat and love forever.
Accept, Forget and Live for now. This moment’s all I’ve got.
No argument from me.
But I cannot forget what was, my life, my love, my boys.
It’s burned forever in my heart.
The boys are men that need me not. My husband’s gone back home.
Life is good, but much is lost, never to retrieve
If I were Superman, I’d fly around the world backwards
To turn the time upside down.
Another Soul
Another one has left this place
Never to return
As parent, friend and confidant
Strong until the end
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It takes belief and open heart
Know that she lives on
Her home is peace, love, harmony
Painful body shed
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Five senses do not see her soul
There behind the veil
Be still to view her messages
Love sent from afar
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Rejoice she’s found her way back home
Angels there to guide
Another soul has left this place
Resting in the Lord.
Destiny
Loss, disappointment are not the end
But a reason to push past comfort
Open a chapter to destiny
Path to fulfill your divinity
Star Upon The Tree
I set the star upon the tree
A special place on top
Reminder of past Christmases
I spent with my life’s love
Did I appreciate those days
While running to and fro
Or did I miss the best of times
Wrapped up in Christmas rush?
The baking, cooking, trim the tree,
Will all of it be done
Before the family arrives
For dinner Christmas eve
We’d stay up late to build the toys
Exhausted, went to bed
Excited boys would wake by five
To see what Santa left
I cannot travel back in time
To capture what was lost
My photos of past holidays
Forever warm my heart
That special star upon the tree
Burns brighter from above
His spirit lives forever more
In everlasting love
Step by Step
Marching on step by step
Winds of change drive forward
Packing boxes, purging
Former chapters closing
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What’s ahead unknowing
Daunting plus exciting
Off to learn life’s lessons
Gone the safety net
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Off the cliff, dare to jump
Will I soar or tailspin?
Crash or fly like eagle?
Time will tell the outcome
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Marching on step by step
Are there any choices?
Sun rises every day
I must meet the challenge.