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Grief- The Knife to the Heart

Death is inevitable, the looming reality, that the journey on Earth is temporary. Although we observe the life cycles of all living things, we are devastated by loss and fear our own mortality.

Grief is an emotion that cannot be avoided. The pain is excruciating when loved ones, including pets, transition to the other side. A piece of us dies with them. Functioning like robots, we tend to daily tasks, but our hearts are non-participants.

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed a theory that we go through five distinct stages of grief after the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. I experienced all of these, but some during the five years that my husband fought leukemia. Denial came when he was diagnosed and relapsed from a bone marrow transplant. Bargaining was in the form of prayer during his treatment. Because he was suffering without hope of recovery, I felt acceptance and relief at his transition. Two years later, when time had dulled the illness and treatment nightmares, I was angry because he had left me to navigate life’s challenges alone. The last item is depression. Over the last seven years, I monitored my mood. Was I clinically depressed? No, but I felt a dark cloud overshadowing everything. Nothing felt the same. It was as if a nerve had been snipped from my body. I felt and enjoyed with all my senses, but the intensity was missing.

There is no time limit on grief, but we can take charge to avoid being devoured. Our loved ones are in a place of unconditional love and light. We remain here because there is more learning, growing and loving to do. Regardless of your beliefs concerning perpetual life, while here, you must survive. Reality bites when the loved one’s death puts you into financial hardship. You may have a family to feed, mortgage and other debts. Nobody is going to rush in on a white charger to save you. After the initial shock, there is no time for pity parties or for sitting in the corner to suck your thumb. Moving forward is the only way to survive. The progress may be slow. You may feel like you are slogging knee deep in molasses, with tears gushing from your eyes. The path may seem dark as pitch.  Keep going, if only by baby steps.

With time, the journey becomes easier. Set realistic expectations. Become friends with grief. Know that dates, songs, pictures and places may trigger waves of sorrow. Feel and deal with the emotion when it arises. Have a good cry. When the intensity recedes, continue your healing journey.

Love and pamper yourself. Work on mind, body and spirit health. Stay open for signs from your loved ones. I experienced electronic irregularities, coins, feathers, scents, songs on the radio, random memories, a chill, tummy blips, butterflies, dragonflies, birds and ringing bells. Repeating numbers may be messages from the angels. Multiple fours appear to me several times a day. They are on the clock, computer, license plates, receipts and car odometer. Other repeating numbers include my birthday and 1111. Your loved ones reach across the veil to give you comfort and support. Be open to their love. Their vibration is higher than ours. Raise yours to meet them. Deep in sorrow, you will miss the messages.

Grief hurts and is merciless. Struggle through the void. Find joy and be grateful. Beauty surrounds. Open your heart to receive the love.

Ditch the Baggage

Ditch the baggage. It’s too heavy to carry. Life’s journey accumulates injuries that appear to heal, but beneath the scar, mental anguish continues to fester. Many years pass, but the hurt is as fresh as the day it was inflicted.

History is not part of today and tomorrow. Obstacles are challenging without yesterday’s weight. Kick it to the curb. Whatever happened is not relevant today. Take out the whiteboard and lots of markers to create a new day.

The pain of the past cannot be deleted. Open to feeling everything, good and bad. Let it flow like a wave. Do not cling to and regurgitate the trauma.

Feel the breeze on your cheeks. Hear the birds’ morning songs. Breathe fresh air into your lungs. See the wonders of nature. Live, Love, Laugh and be Happy. Today is a new day.

Through the Veil

Messages from those beyond

Shunned in disbelief

Man rejects unseen attempts

Comprehend cannot

 

Spirits made of energy

Not of solid mass

Subtle twinges unexplained

Love from nearby realm

 

Feathers, pennies, dragonflies

Birds, the love they bring

Open heart and mind receive

Songs through veil they sing

 

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Crossing Bridges

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Gentle spirits hover close

Giving guidance

Feathers, pennies, butterflies

Signs from loved ones

 

Comprehending, understand

Catch the meaning?

Foggy, fuzzy, message be

Earthly limits

 

Gifted wonder, medium

Communicates

Souls who crossed behind the veil

Sharing wisdom

 

Love eternal, never dies

Crossing bridges

Living life with clarity

Thank you, helpers

SUPERMAN

If I were Superman, I’d fly around the world backwards

To turn the time upside down

I’d go back to when my boys were small enough

To hold upon my lap

When we were all a family, my husband, boys and grands.

Go back, I say, to simpler times.

I’d lay beside the man I chose for better or for worse

To feel his heat and love forever.

 

Accept, Forget and Live for now.  This moment’s all I’ve got.

No argument from me.

But I cannot forget what was, my life, my love, my boys.

It’s burned forever in my heart.

The boys are men that need me not. My husband’s gone back home.

Life is good, but much is lost, never to retrieve

If I were Superman, I’d fly around the world backwards

To turn the time upside down.

Another Soul

Another one has left this place

Never to return

As parent, friend and confidant

Strong until the end

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It takes belief and open heart

Know that she lives on

Her home is peace, love, harmony

Painful body shed

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Five senses do not see her soul

There behind the veil

Be still to view her messages

Love sent from afar

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Rejoice she’s found her way back home

Angels there to guide

Another soul has left this place

Resting in the Lord.

Destiny

Loss, disappointment are not the end

But a reason to push past comfort

Open a chapter to destiny

Path to fulfill your divinity

Star Upon The Tree

I set the star upon the tree

A special place on top

Reminder of past Christmases

I spent with my life’s love

 

Did I appreciate those days

While running to and fro

Or did I miss the best of times

Wrapped up in Christmas rush?

 

The baking, cooking, trim the tree,

Will all of it be done

Before the family arrives

For dinner Christmas eve

 

 

We’d stay up late to build the toys

Exhausted, went to bed

Excited boys would wake by five

To see what Santa left

 

I cannot travel back in time

To capture what was lost

My photos of past holidays

Forever warm my heart

 

That special star upon the tree

Burns brighter from above

His spirit lives forever more

In everlasting love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step by Step

Marching on step by step

Winds of change drive forward

Packing boxes, purging

Former chapters closing

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What’s ahead unknowing

Daunting plus exciting

Off to learn life’s lessons

Gone the safety net

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Off the cliff, dare to jump

Will I soar or tailspin?

Crash or fly like eagle?

Time will tell the outcome

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Marching on step by step

Are there any choices?

Sun rises every day

I must meet the challenge.

The Way Back

The Way Back from loss

A struggle each day

My heart torn in half

I wished he could stay
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Alas, not to be

His job was complete

Fulfilled, he must go

Ancestors to meet

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The Way Back from grief

I stumble and fall

In potholes of pain

Picked up to stand tall

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New chapters to write

And places to see

More people to help

Adventures for me

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The teacher is life

To live it, to learn

Move forward he says

My love’s at each turn

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The Way Back takes time

To heal and move on

With wide open eyes

To see what’s beyond.

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Excited and daunted

My soul will be fed

I know it’s the path

The Way Back I tread